Being a medical school student I always found it hard to maintain a balance between my school and people in my life. I have been a warm and welcoming personality whole my life. My friends and family is what i keep close to my heart and I invest time and emotions in all these relations. My school is away from my home, to be precise i study in another country so i am a hosteler. Beginnings are hard for me. It took me a while to settle and make friends. I found one in my roommate. We grew close and it quite helpled me embrace the difficulties my school would come up with and battle them for my own good. After a year or so we started having issues and something called “miscommunication”. I didnt try to solve it neither did she. I just wanted to change my room or the roommate.  But it was mid term and where i study these things cant be solved midst the year. It has to be done when classes begin for a session. So i had to drag myself for the rest half of the year with all the feelings burried inside me. I began to appreciate the idea of isolation and wanted to stay alone. I would jot the pros and cons in my mind and i must admit i had more of pros. For this part of the year i mostly would study alone, eat alone and spend most of my time outside the room. I didnt like my roommate. I thought i was the one in control because my grades improved. But it was the contrary. These were the symptoms of a disease no one wants in their life.

The following months hit my family with a tragedy of recurrent heart attacks my father suffered. Just after my annual exams my father was admitted for bypass surgery. I didnt really go home, all the holidays our family was in another city for his treatment. I came to school straight from that city and the room allotments was 3 months away. So i was again stuck with the same person but the idea of isolation still filled my mind. So i would again spend most of my time in library or somewhere else just not in my room. After a few weeks i noticed i was getting irritable. I didnt have people to talk to because hostel is a place where people are busy in their own life. No one will come over to comfort you or even the friendships , they come with a price tag. Or i should say they come with favour banks. So no one bothered to check on me. Even my studies seemed to bother me so I texted my uncle who is a psychiatrist. After listening to everything i had to say he said i was suffering from depression and much of it had to do with my roommate. He suggested i should get my room changed or the roommate changed. He even sent me a letter addressed to the principal of my school to help me with the room issue. And this was the time i realised people really dont care what someone suffers unless it concerns their own family.

When i showed the letter to my principal with all the tests that had been run to prove my health had been deteriorating and there was no pathology related but it was depression, he didnt even read it. He asked me to tell him verbally. He chuckled and signed the application attached to my documents and told me to show this to the warden on the allotment day. Which now i understand was just to shoo me away. He even told me that he would not reveal what his sign meant which now i know meant “deal it however you feel”.  On the allotment day the warden too didnt bother to look into my documents. I told her i have health issues and i remember what she said “your parents better buy you a house here”. When i heard this i couldnt decipher what she meant. A classmate of mine who was with me all throughout the allotment explained it was a sarcastic comment.  I dont like when someone gets my parents into any argument so it hit me hard. Whole day i ate nothing, said nothing just sobbed quietly.

Next day the warden gave me a deadline : get some girl preferably from your country or else i wont allot you any room, you will be the last one to be alloted a room and i will put you anywhere i like. By tomorrow and thats it.

I had tried to convince them i cannot take room with any random person. I would do better if they allot me a single room. My depression was only induced by my roommate issues. They didnt listen. So i had to choose one girl from my class whom i didnt know at all because all the rest people i knew had already paired up. She alloted me a room with this girl. And i was so depressed that i wanted to run home. I wanted to quit. My parents told me to come for a week or two and i left.

This new girl was all so mean to me from the very first day she came to the room. She still is.  

4 thoughts on “The idea of isolation

  1. Unfortunately, life demands we both succeed at life endeavors and good relationships and we are living in a very fucked up society in which priorities, especially in the medical world, are completely backwards. Training and practice should center on health but it instead centers on illness and the non-human aspect.
    But since you will be a healer, you can’t put off working on your relationships because you will have to relate daily to very sick people with imbalances in their lives that strike the match of tension, especially on your busiest, craziest days. This time of roommates is the time of your crucial education on relationship skills. Please don’t neglect working on this the way Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un did, because a life will always be in your hands the way many lived are now in their match and matchbox hands.
    But the good news is the fuel of the problem is inside you so, so too is the fuel of the relief. And there is a way to tap into your best, wisest self so that you can see clearly what you are doing to cause this problem and, as well, have the absolute confidence and ironclad determination to build the best friendship with your roommate that will start the pattern with which you have the greatest relations with your patients.
    That way is to start chanting NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO every day and join the SGI (www.sgi-usa.org) Please go online and find the organization nearest you, read the precious stuff for a winning life on the site, and begin chanting and winning. In answer to what I know you will say now, you don’t have the time and can’t afford not to. You can start by chanting 5 minutes a day in the morning and read only one paragraph because even that will get your life in the so that you can have winning relationships and excel at your courses, and most importantly, live with contagious joy and supreme happiness.
    Call me at 201-783-2770 and write me at my personal email mginsburg2030@gmail.com!
    Sincerely,
    Marc

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for taking time to read what i wrote. I appreciate the advices you had to offer but i am sorry to say this that i cannot build any trust in relation with my roommate. It is out of question. I had a bad experience with one roommate and it seems like thats haunts me. I cannot give efforts to the relation with my new roommate. I am not cynical but i have bad experiences that pretty much made me inflexible. I cannot shift or alter my boundaries. Thank you again

      Like

  2. I am not sure where you are getting your information, however good topic. I must spend a while studying more or working out more. Thank you for magnificent info I was searching for this info for my mission.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s