Being a medical school student I always found it hard to maintain a balance between my school and people in my life. I have been a warm and welcoming personality whole my life. My friends and family is what i keep close to my heart and I invest time and emotions in all these relations. My school is away from my home, to be precise i study in another country so i am a hosteler. Beginnings are hard for me. It took me a while to settle and make friends. I found one in my roommate. We grew close and it quite helpled me embrace the difficulties my school would come up with and battle them for my own good. After a year or so we started having issues and something called “miscommunication”. I didnt try to solve it neither did she. I just wanted to change my room or the roommate. But it was mid term and where i study these things cant be solved midst the year. It has to be done when classes begin for a session. So i had to drag myself for the rest half of the year with all the feelings burried inside me. I began to appreciate the idea of isolation and wanted to stay alone. I would jot the pros and cons in my mind and i must admit i had more of pros. For this part of the year i mostly would study alone, eat alone and spend most of my time outside the room. I didnt like my roommate. I thought i was the one in control because my grades improved. But it was the contrary. These were the symptoms of a disease no one wants in their life.
The following months hit my family with a tragedy of recurrent heart attacks my father suffered. Just after my annual exams my father was admitted for bypass surgery. I didnt really go home, all the holidays our family was in another city for his treatment. I came to school straight from that city and the room allotments was 3 months away. So i was again stuck with the same person but the idea of isolation still filled my mind. So i would again spend most of my time in library or somewhere else just not in my room. After a few weeks i noticed i was getting irritable. I didnt have people to talk to because hostel is a place where people are busy in their own life. No one will come over to comfort you or even the friendships , they come with a price tag. Or i should say they come with favour banks. So no one bothered to check on me. Even my studies seemed to bother me so I texted my uncle who is a psychiatrist. After listening to everything i had to say he said i was suffering from depression and much of it had to do with my roommate. He suggested i should get my room changed or the roommate changed. He even sent me a letter addressed to the principal of my school to help me with the room issue. And this was the time i realised people really dont care what someone suffers unless it concerns their own family.
When i showed the letter to my principal with all the tests that had been run to prove my health had been deteriorating and there was no pathology related but it was depression, he didnt even read it. He asked me to tell him verbally. He chuckled and signed the application attached to my documents and told me to show this to the warden on the allotment day. Which now i understand was just to shoo me away. He even told me that he would not reveal what his sign meant which now i know meant “deal it however you feel”. On the allotment day the warden too didnt bother to look into my documents. I told her i have health issues and i remember what she said “your parents better buy you a house here”. When i heard this i couldnt decipher what she meant. A classmate of mine who was with me all throughout the allotment explained it was a sarcastic comment. I dont like when someone gets my parents into any argument so it hit me hard. Whole day i ate nothing, said nothing just sobbed quietly.
Next day the warden gave me a deadline : get some girl preferably from your country or else i wont allot you any room, you will be the last one to be alloted a room and i will put you anywhere i like. By tomorrow and thats it.
I had tried to convince them i cannot take room with any random person. I would do better if they allot me a single room. My depression was only induced by my roommate issues. They didnt listen. So i had to choose one girl from my class whom i didnt know at all because all the rest people i knew had already paired up. She alloted me a room with this girl. And i was so depressed that i wanted to run home. I wanted to quit. My parents told me to come for a week or two and i left.
This new girl was all so mean to me from the very first day she came to the room. She still is.